


A dream I'm living in

by Rennie_5



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, M/M, POV Multiple, Slow Burn, Teacher Andrew Minyard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24242290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rennie_5/pseuds/Rennie_5
Summary: It all starts with a cat that has the habit of breaking into Andrew's apartment and chewing up his plants.Andrew Minyard is a criminal justice teacher at a college.Neil Josten is his neighbor who has an annoying ginger cat who shredded Andrew's peace lily.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	1. Peace Lily

**Author's Note:**

> TW: At the end of the chapter Andrew thinks about when he use to self-harm. 
> 
> Hi!  
> This is the first chapter of a fanfic which I hope many people will enjoy reading.  
>  I still need to figure out how many chapters there will be in this, but now that I have too much free time on my hands I'll probably update once a week (or more, depends on how motivated I feel). 
> 
> I'm aware that there has been a fic written before with Andrew and Neil and a cat, however, I promise this is not a copy or a rewrite of that fic. This is just inspired by the idea of Neil's cat breaking into Andrew's apartment and annoying the fuck outta him. <3

The first thing Andrew saw when he opened the door to his apartment was a large orange cat sleeping on his sofa. Andrew didn’t own a cat.   
The cat spared Andrew a glance and went back to snoozing.   
The second thing he saw was his shredded peace lily. Pieces of the leaves were scattered around the floor and there was soil spilled out onto his floor. There were soil paw prints leading to the kitchen and back to the living room, where they ended on the sofa. In a few quick steps, Andrew walked up to the cat and picked it up – holding it away from him. It stared at him and meowed.   
The cat wriggled in his arms and he, in uncharacteristic surprise, dropped it before it could dig its claws any further into his arm. The cat scurried out of his apartment through the door he’d left open, the only thing left of the cat was the circle of fur it had left on his sofa. And his shredded house plant.  
For the past three weeks, something had been breaking into his apartment and chewing on his plants – now he knew what.   
When Andrew had moved in, he had been informed that there was a strict no pet policy – but Andrew wasn’t the type to go down to the office to snitch on whoever owned the cat. No, he’d much rather catch the cat and throw it over the balcony for mutilation his plants. For three weeks, he had been coming back home in the evening and seeing his plants with suspicious bite marks and torn leaves, and he had finally caught the conniving bastard red-handed only for it to escape, only leaving the hair it had shed on his sofa. Next time it wouldn’t be so fortunate to escape.   
After shutting the door that led to his balcony, he kneeled by his lifeless peace lily. The monstrous beast had ripped the leaves to shreds – and the plant was only just beginning to blossom. He grabbed a trash bag from the kitchen and swept the remains into the bag. 

*

Andrew didn’t know what to do when he closed his eyes to sleep. He was truly alone with thoughts of what should have long been forgotten, and he let himself be carried away into the crevices of his mind.   
Throughout the day, he had the ability to block out the things which came back to haunt him at night.   
3:34 am. The sound of rain hitting the pavement outside was louder than the ringing inside Andrew’s ears. But not loud enough to deafen what came to invade his thoughts at night.  
Andrew was staring at his ceiling, looking at the cracks that he stared at every night. He closed his eyes and then quickly opened them and sat up as he heard a harsh cough coming from somewhere in the room. For a moment he felt panic which he hadn’t felt in long, the panic which had caused too many sleepless nights. Then he shook his head slightly and realized his stupidity. The wires poking out from the ceiling weren’t the only perks of living in his apartment, there was also the thin walls which allowed him to hear his neighbors every move.   
The new tenant had moved in over a month ago, and Andrew could hear everything, from the 1 am showers to them slamming the door at 6 am. He’d seen the man a few times, mostly from the balcony where he had a view of the parking lot. The man was maybe 5’3 or 5’4 and had auburn hair which had annoyingly kept falling into his eyes. The most interesting thing was the scars marring his face. On his right cheek, there was a burn mark, and on his left, there were three lines running down the side of his face. Once, they’d shared the elevator together – much to Andrew’s irritation. They both kept to different sides of the elevator – Andrew staring passively at the doors and the other man looking at his feet. When the doors had opened, Andrew could feel the man’s piercing blue eyes at the back of his head. They both avoided crossing each other’s paths, which suited Andrew just fine.   
Andrew let his mind stray to the cat again. He wondered whether it was a coincidence that the cat had started coming in the same time frame that the new tenant had appeared. Knowing life – it probably wasn’t just a coincidence.   
He heard the shower turn on in the other apartment. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep on nights like these.

*

The sessions with Betsy Dobson use to make Andrew feel like time had stopped, and he was trapped in a small office forever, with a therapist he didn’t like, one which he couldn’t fucking shake. It had been a few years, and now Betsy’s inquisitive gaze didn’t make Andrew’s skin crawl. When he was younger, he’d gone through many therapists and had been stupidly smug of that fact. When he started seeing Betsy, he’d tried to shake her off at first, even scare her – but he’d quickly learned that she was a force to be reckoned with.   
He hadn’t known what made Betsy different from the other therapists and all the school counselors he had before, but over time he’d realized that it was partially because she didn’t blink an eye at what Andrew told her, and because during the 45 minutes of the bi-weekly sessions – she could spend the whole time filling his silence. She didn’t pepper him with questions, and when he did speak – she didn’t take advantage of that.   
The Monday sessions always started with her making him something to drink and then asking him about how he spent his weekend. His response to that question never changed – yet she never stopped asking. If Andrew hadn’t been plagued by nightmares over the weekend, maybe he’d tell her something close to personal.  
The Friday sessions were different. Her making him something to drink didn’t change, but her questions did. He’d tell her something that had irritated him at work, or how Aaron had tried calling again – and dissect that.  
“Andrew.” She said. “How was your week?”  
It was a Friday.   
Andrew held the hot mug she’d handed him a few moments ago up and pressed it to his face.  
“Kevin is relentlessly trying to get Seth fired.”   
“Does he have any particular reason for that?”  
“Seth is a selfless bigot.”   
“So will you support Kevin?”   
Andrew drank from his mug. “Let’s just say I wouldn’t mind if Seth stopped coming to work.”   
Betsy pushed her glasses up further up her nose and contemplated Andrew.  
“If he lost his job, you wouldn’t feel guilty about playing a part in that? What if Seth has people to support."   
“The only thing he’s supporting is his drug addiction.”  
Betsy didn’t lower her gaze from his.   
“And that isn’t my problem.” He said.  
“Whose problem is it?”  
“His own.”   
There was a pause for a few moments.   
Betsy broke the silence. “Have you thought about calling Aaron back?”   
“A cat broke the peace lily.”   
“Excuse me?” she asked, bewildered.   
“Yesterday, when I came home, there was a cat.”   
“And the peace lily?”   
“Knocked over.”   
“Ah, and you say it was beyond salvaging?”  
“Shredded.”  
“I’m sorry to hear that.”   
“It was yours.”   
“It was a gift, Andrew, to you.”   
Andrew resisted the urge to shrug. Betsy didn’t bring up his avoidance of the phone call to Aaron for the rest of the session. 

*

When he was in college, Andrew spent his weekends in Columbia with his cousin, Nicky, and even Aaron sometimes graced them with his presence when he wasn’t out with a string of cheerleaders. Andrew still sometimes saw Nicky, but only because of Nicky’s persistence to have an actual relationship with his cousins. The last time Andrew had seen Aaron, Aaron had told him that the next time he saw Andrew, he’d end up doing something that Andrew would stab him for.   
That really amplified the Christmas cheer.  
Now Andrew’s weekend usually passed in a blur, Saturday and Sunday always ended up merging together. Occasionally he sat down to read through the piles of essays written by his students. After leaving university, he’d followed Kevin into teaching at a college and had stayed there. David Wymack hadn’t even looked surprised when Kevin had shown up with Andrew – he had become familiar with his son’s shadow.   
As soon as he got back from Betsy’s office, he headed out onto the balcony – simultaneously lighting a cigarette. He rested his arms on the railing and held his cigarette over the edge. The sun was not fully set yet, and he had a clear view of the parking lot, and several already drunk adolescents who were trying to pass as sober stumbled across the road.   
Andrew took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled the smoke. He watched it dance in the wind before dissolving in the air. He let his eyes fall closed and the hand holding the cigarette fell limp.   
He heard a soft noise, carried to him by the wind. He ignored it. The noise happened again, but this time louder. He still kept his eyes shut. Something soft nudged his arm. He opened his eyes to find yellow ones staring back into his.   
“Bastard.”   
The thing meowed.   
It was perched on the railing, having gotten to his balcony by balcony-hopping. He wondered how such a round thing could balance so perfectly when any moment the wind could blow too hard and it would fall seven floors. “I’m going to push you off.” The thing stared at him with its eyes half-closed as if saying, “Do it. I dare you.”   
Andrew dropped his cigarette and stamped the flame out. He turned his head back in the cats’ direction. However, it seemed that the cat was one step ahead of him and knew what was going through Andrew’s mind, and quicker than his mind could comprehend – the cat jumped across to the next balcony over. Then it sat down facing him, and if Andrew didn’t know any better, he’d say that the cat looked smug.   
“Fucker.” He said, side-eyeing the ball of fur which sat a few meters away from him.   
He glanced down at the parking lot, and movement down below caught his eye. It wasn’t the first time he saw his auburn-haired neighbor coming home from work, and he watched as the man turned checked behind him with familiar paranoia and quickly walked up to the front doors and entered the building. Now that Andrew couldn’t observe his neighbor's skittish behavior, he walked back into his own apartment.

*

The rest of the weekend passed as he had expected it to – without him actually realizing it was there. All of Saturday, he had sat outside in the rain, getting soaked to the bone.   
On Sunday morning he had read all the submitted assignments and fantasized about burning them.   
On Sunday evening he caught himself dialing Aaron’s number. His thumb hovered on the last digit of his brother’s mobile. His fist clenched around the object and he threw it as hard as he could at the wall. Several thudding noises occurred as pieces of what used to be Andrew’s phone rebounded against the wall and scattered around his bedroom.   
The tenant in the neighboring apartment banged on the other side of the wall in retaliation to the noise Andrew was making, and Andrew kicked the wall even harder back at them. Silence.   
He lay in the silence of his own thoughts. The things in his head kept him pensive and the things in his nightmares made him never want to close his eyes.   
Sometimes during the night, he could feel the knife in his arm, the stinging and throbbing after he ran it under hot water. During those nights he’d run his finger down his arm, reminding himself that there were no new cuts, only the old scars, the scars which made him remember and forget.


	2. 'Josten'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew talks to Nicky, and spots a certain auburn-haired man with his familiar orange cat.

“Minyard, you been listening to anything I’ve said?”   
Andrew looked away from the window he’d been staring at for the past hour to meet David Wymack’s eyes. Andrew had majored in criminal justice at the Foxhole College and had joined the faculty with Kevin after graduating.   
“Right. Stupid question. Of course, you weren’t.” Wymack sighed and rubbed his hand against his face. “This is important, Minyard, you gotta at least pretend to care.”   
The staff break room of The Foxhole College was messy and the AC had been broken since the stone ages, and usually, Andrew wouldn’t have spent his breaks in the cramped room – but the weather was by far the worst it had been all year and he wasn’t in the business of catching some illness. His eyes strayed back to the middle of the room where Wymack was standing with his hands on hips and Andrew wondered how far the stick up his ass was today.   
Wymack rolled his eyes and continued, “As I was saying, Seth’s departure from us has been finalized.”   
Andrew felt Kevin glance at him. Seth Gordon had worked in the IT department at the Foxhole College since before Andrew had started, and Andrew had never seen him actually do his job. Occasionally when they were all in the break room, Seth would announce that he had to go help with various technical difficulties, but Andrew had always deciphered that as him saying he was going to get plastered in the utility closet.   
Although Andrew wasn’t the type of person to intervene with people who he didn’t have a slight interest in, Seth was a troublesome character. He’d only ever tried to engage with Andrew a couple of times, albeit all he said were petty insults which Andrew let fly over his head, Kevin had been a usual victim to Seth’s uncontrollable anger towards humanity. His and Kevin’s deal was long over, but maybe Andrew was getting tired of hearing Kevin complain about Seth and never doing anything about him. Even Renee had expressed some of her views on Seth’s attitude, not only towards the staff but to the students.   
It was safe to say that it had not been difficult to take Seth’s flask out of his coat pocket and place it on his desk with the door open just when several of the college administrators were scouting the building. It was all a coincidence, really.   
The Foxhole College didn’t have the best reputation, and there was a diverse set of rumors circling the college - but it took on all sorts of characters. Ranging from the sport's majors who spent their night's training for some big game they would never win, to the art students who spray-painted the walls of the college and were all high before their first 8 am classes.   
After Wymack had moved on from the topic of Seth’s departure, he moved on to talking about the several field trips planned for the semester, a topic which Andrew had zero interest in. The rest of the meeting passed quickly enough, and Andrew still had time to mark the last of the essays he had his next class   
As he was walking out of the office, Kevin caught up to him and fell into step with him.   
“I thought you said Gordon wasn’t your problem.”   
“He wasn’t.”   
“Why’d you set him up then?” A group of students rushing to their next classes shoved against Kevin and he fumbled with the papers he had gripped.   
“Who says I did? Maybe he finally got careless enough to get what was coming to him.”   
They came to a stop at Andrew’s classroom.   
Kevin stood in front of the door to block Andrew from moving, which he knew wouldn’t have stopped Andrew from going inside but still did, pointlessly. Andrew didn’t bring knives into school, but he’d learned that his elbow was sharp enough to cause some pain.   
Kevin sighed in frustration and turned on his heel, headed towards his own classroom.   
When Nicky had found out Andrew was gay, he’d asked if he and Kevin were ‘together’. Andrew had wanted to laugh at that idea. Sure, maybe at first he’d been intrigued by his raven-haired, green-eyed roommate, but then he’d realized that Kevin had the backbone of a peanut and a rotten personality.   
Andrew was already sitting at his desk as the students filed in, buzzing with conversation.

*

When the doorbell rang, Andrew hadn’t been expecting Nicky when he opened the door on a Tuesday evening. Nicky’s spontaneity had never been something Andrew cared for. Nicky tried to call once a week, but he hadn’t been in Andrew’s apartment in a while.   
Nicky said, “Hi.” and proceeded to wander into the apartment, toeing off his shoes, and simultaneously untangling his scarf from his neck.   
“I wasn’t expecting company tonight,” Andrew said, dryly.   
Nicky gave a slight smile, and said, “I like what you’ve done to the place.” Out of politeness. Andrew had nothing hanging from his walls, he had two ceiling-high bookcases, one in his bedroom and the other in the living room, but the bleakness of the rest of the apartment made it seem void of character. Nicky looked at the ceramic shards and the spilled soil which he’d yet to clean up. “Is that some sort of art statement?”   
“Oh Nicky, I was never the artist.”   
Nicky huffed at that and went to the center of the room to sit at the kitchen table.   
“I would’ve called, but you weren’t picking up your phone.”   
Andrew thought to the pieces of his phone which he shoved under his bed. “I broke it.”  
Nicky shook his head in disbelief. He and unfolded his hands in his lap, and kept looking at Andrew then glancing away.   
“Your nervous energy is giving you away.”   
“I,” Nicky began, then quickly cut himself off.   
“Spit it out.”   
“Aaron’s engaged.”   
Andrew felt his world freeze over for a few moments, time had finally stopped. His thoughts spun in circles around his mind, and a wave of nausea overcame him. As quickly as the feelings had come, they left, bringing him back to Nicky’s soft gaze on him. It was unlikely that Nicky had noticed Andrew’s inner turmoil attacking him for those few seconds.   
“To who?”   
“Katelyn.”   
Andrew remembered Katelyn. Katelyn who had joined them for Thanksgiving, Katelyn who had accompanied Aaron at Nicky’s wedding.  
Andrew should have paid more attention to the way Aaron had stared at her. The way he looked at her was different from the way he had looked at all the other girls. The other girls, which Andrew had gotten rid of. But Katelyn was a constant.   
Their deal was irrelevant, and when Aaron had first brought her over, Andrew wondered if maybe his brother was flaunting the fact that it was over by showing up with her.   
“I thought Aaron had called you. Andrew, I promise, I thought you knew.”   
Andrew wondered if Nicky knew he hadn’t spoken to Aaron in two years.   
“Andrew,” Nicky said, “That Christmas, was it really the last time you spoke to him?” Nicky frowned.  
“Yes.”   
Nicky looked appalled. “What? You- He’s your brother!”   
“I hadn’t noticed.”   
Nicky slammed his palm down onto the table, in an uncharacteristic flash of anger. “Enough with that. Please. He’s your brother, doesn’t that mean anything to you?”   
Doesn’t mean that anything to him? Andrew thought. He said nothing.   
Nicky stood up violently, the chair scraping the kitchen floor.  
He watched as Nicky struggled to pull his shoes back on, and didn’t move out of his chair as Nicky turned around to face him again from the front door. His tearful eyes met Andrew’s cold ones as he pleaded, “Fix it, Andrew.”   
Andrew stared back passively. “There’s nothing to repair.” Nicky made a guttural noise in his throat and slammed the door shut as he stormed out.   
Andrew was left sitting at his kitchen table, still staring at the door. He thought over what his cousin had said to him. He’d nearly called Aaron more than once – the hole in his wall was proof of that, but each time, he failed to do so. He told himself that he didn’t need to call Aaron anymore. He told himself that he’d spent the majority of college looking after his brother. Then their deal was over, and to his surprise, instead of never speaking to Andrew, Aaron hadn’t left Andrew back in the past.  
Then one year, on Christmas, their relationship which was already on hanging on by a thread, had crumbled completely. In the end, Aaron had chosen his new life over Andrew.   
Andrew stood up, his body felt like it weighed tonnes. He grabbed his car keys and made his way out of the apartment. Tomorrow, he’d think about what Nicky said. Today, he’d go get a new phone. 

*

The parking lot opposite the apartment building was always half empty. Today was no different. No different apart from the fact that there was a car parked next to where he usually parked his own. He’d seen it a few times from his balcony to know who it belonged to. The owner of the car was his neighbor from the apartment next to his, and he was already at the doors of the building, pressing his key card onto the reader to be let in. As Andrew parked, he saw the animal cage on the ground beside the man. Inside there was a very familiar orange creature. His hands tightened around his steering wheel as he thought of his peace lily’s remains.   
As if he felt being watched, the man turned his head towards Andrew. They held eye contact, neither of them wanting to be the first to look away. The man tapped two fingers to his temple in a mocking salute and turned away to pick the cage up.   
After the man left, Andrew sat in his car, wondering what he could do with the knowledge of who owned the cat which had mutilated Andrew’s plants for weeks. There was the option of writing a complaint to the landlord. But Andrew wasn’t that boring. He had a few ideas of what he could do.

*

He checked the time. 11:23 pm. After a month of hearing his neighbor through the walls, he’d unconsciously memorized his irregular sleep patterns. During the week, he’d stop making noise around 11 pm. On most mornings, he’d hear the door open again at 7 am for another run, and then half an hour later, he’d be back. Then the shower could cut on and the sound of pipes rattling would make it near impossible for Andrew to get back to sleep. Andrew would begin to get ready for the day at 8 am, and on most days, he’d be out of the door at 9 am. On some days when he was required at school later or not at all, he’d hear as his neighbor slam the door to go to work at 12. However, in some instances, Andrew would hear the door open and close signifying a late-night run.   
Andrew hoped this wouldn’t be one of those nights.  
He closed his door gently and walked down the stairs in a graceful fashion. In his right hand, he held a large bag. When he made it down to the bottom floor, he turned on the lights and blinked as he was temporarily blinded. The yellow like light illuminated the room and he walked over to the letterboxes which took up one of the walls. After finding his own box, he found his neighbors’ next to his.   
Next to the apartment number was a name scribbled on in tight cursive. Josten.   
Andrew felt his lips twist as he placed the bag on the ground and took out a pin. Using a hairpin to open a hole meant for a key wasn’t easy, but after twisting it several times back and forth, the letterbox opened. He felt satisfied.   
He looked back down at the bag. Inside he’d swept the remains of his peace lily. The plant, soil, and shards of the pot had mixed together, and with one hand he held the letterbox half-open as he used the other to tilt the bag and poured the contents inside. He did so with the utmost precision so that none of the soil would spill out onto the floor beneath. After the whole thing was emptied, he crushed the bag and shoved it down the trash can which was by the door.   
As he went back up to his apartment, a sense of accomplishment overwhelmed him. Even as he got older, his pettiness stayed apart of him. He thought back to Aaron – maybe it was genetic. 

*

The next morning started out slowly. When he’d gotten back to his apartment, sleep hadn’t come quickly, or at all. He’d lain awake again, and in the end, he’d opened the bottle of pills which Bee had prescribed for him to help with his insomnia. He could still feel their after taste in his mouth as he brushed his teeth, and even when he was walking down the several flights of stairs, the bitter taste was lingering.   
As he got to the bottom of the steps, Andrew immediately noticed the person standing in front of the post boxes. He stopped to look at them. Josten was standing in front of his box with his arms up and his mouth open. He was dressed in his workout clothes, and judging by the sweat on his forehead and his damp hair slightly sticking up, he was coming back from his run. Although Andrew had missed the soil spilling out onto him, the aftermath he was glad to see. Josten turned around to the noise of Andrew coming to a stop in the middle of the room. All over the front of his shirt and pants, there was dirt. There was even dirt on his face, and shards of the pot were all over the ground. The remaining soil was still slowly spilling out from the locker.   
Andrew’s eyes strayed back up to meet Jostens. Josten closed his mouth and opened it again, then closed it, as if the ability to form words had abandoned him. His temporary mind-fuck let Andrew study his face in detail. The scars on his cheek didn’t make him any less attractive, and neither did the sweat beading his forehead, and his partially dried hair fell into his eyes. Andrew mentally kicked himself.  
Josten shut his mouth and reached a hand up to push his hair back from his forehead. Andrew felt the corners of his lips turn upwards. Josten stared back at him, and the realization showed in his eyes. Andrew wasn’t impressed that he figured it out so quickly. Andrew tapped his temple in the same salute Josten had given him the day before and briskly walked out leaving Josten piercing the back of his head in a glare fuelled with frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING
> 
> Andrew unconciously memorizing Neil's everyday schedule means they're practically in love.


	3. Darkness and Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew finally makes a long-overdue call, talks to Kevin, and has his breakfast interrupted by a fire alarm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of doing a Neil POV but i feel that would fuck everything up,,

Andrew didn't know where he was. The sun hadn’t yet set when he’d gotten into his car and just drove. Now it was dark, with only the remnants of sunlight left in the sky. He stepped out of the car and leans against the open door. He took out his phone from his pocket and sighed internally. He held his phone in his right hand, his left bracing the rest of him against the roof of his car. Andrew dialed the last number and pressed the phone up to his ear. A voice he hasn’t heard in so long answers. His voice.   
“Aaron Minyard.” His brother yawns into the phone.   
Andrew opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He debates hanging up.   
“Who is this?” The voice on the other side asks, more sharply this time.   
Andrew finally speaks. “Nicky said you’re getting married.”  
Silence.   
Then a questioning voice, “Andrew?”   
Andrew squeezes his eyes shut. “No,” he says, a slight note of frustration in his voice, “it’s your third brother.”   
His brother is silent on the other side, silent enough that Andrew thinks maybe he hung up.   
“Jesus fuck, Andrew, you couldn’t have called at a more reasonable time?”   
If Andrew was the type, he’d laugh, but he’s not. So he stays noise less.   
A sigh on the other side, “Why did you call?” Aaron says, his voice tinny.   
“Why didn’t you?” He counters with.   
Aaron takes a sharp intake of breath, “Fuck you, Andrew. Over two years and you’re just calling now.” Two years, nine months, twelve days.   
“Why now?” Aaron asks him, curiosity showing.   
“Nicky said you’re getting married.” Aaron stays silent, and Andrew hears Bee telling him to try. Because if he doesn’t, then he won’t be able to get his brother back. “When?” He asks the silence on the other side.   
“Why do you care?” Andrew doesn’t ignore the fire in his words. Andrew thinks about Renee telling him that Aaron’s anger is reasonable, and he has that right. Andrew tells himself he doesn’t care. He was never a good liar.   
Aaron scoffs. “You’re a coward.”   
“We’re the same.”   
“You’re a liar and a coward. And we’re not the same. We never were, and we never will be. I found something for myself, and you hid from even the idea of something. The reason you’re calling is that you’re bored, and you miss being in control of everything. Well, fuck you, Andrew. Truly, fuck you.”   
Andrew thought of his brother, the one who wouldn’t speak up about his mother beating him, the one who cowered in college. Five years ago the thought of Aaron saying this wouldn’t have crossed his mind. He wonders what changed, was it Katelyn? Or that all along all he needed to do was to get away from Andrew. Andrew let out a bitter laugh, the sound scraped at this throat and made him sick. “Nicky will be disappointed.”   
Aaron sighed, again, and Andrew imagined him rubbing his hand across his face. “It’s on the 30th.”   
Andrew didn’t breathe.   
“Will you be there?” His brother asked, cautiously.   
Andrew debated saying no. He’d say no and hang up, and then never think of his brother again.   
“Yes.”   
His doppelganger stayed silent.   
They both had so much more to say, but neither of them speaks. Aaron clears his throat, the noise harshly echoing in Andrew’s ear. A voice murmurs in the background, and Andrew listens patiently to Aaron’s whispering something unintelligible. The conversation barely lasts a minute, and Aaron’s voice is suddenly louder in Andrew’s ear. “It’s late,” the awkwardness of the phrase makes Andrew want to hang up immediately. “Are you at home?” He asks.   
Home. Andrew wouldn’t call his apartment his home. He feels more at home in the darkness of an empty parking lot in the middle of nowhere than there. He says yes. Maybe Andrew is a bad liar but Aaron only sighs, a heavy thing which Andrew can almost feel through the phone, and he says “Goodbye,” simply, plainly. And the line goes dead.   
Andrew stares at his new phone, the screen already scratched from being in the same pocket as his keys. It’s too dark to see his reflection, and this makes him glad. He has a feeling that if he saw his reflection he wouldn’t see himself, only Aaron.   
He pockets his phone and gets back into his car.   
*  
Andrew took a drag from his cigarette, his eyes half-closed, observing the city skyline. The darkness of the night was consuming and he watched the thousands of lights peppering the horizon. He leaned over the balcony, the cigarette dangling carelessly in-between his index and ring fingers. Andrew closed his eyes, his breath coming out in a cloud of steam as he exhaled. The idea of being so close to the edge was at the same time thrilling and spine chilling.   
He hadn’t even realized he’d let go of his cigarette until he opens his eyes to see it falling from his fingers. The small light vanishes after hitting the ground, the impact of the fall has put it out. He had barely begun that cigarette, and he debates fetching it, but he quickly discards that thought.   
Andrew doesn’t miss the click of a door opening, but it’s not his which opens. The sound of a lighter clicking and the flame catching on a cigarette is like music to Andrew’s ears. His eyes slide to the balcony which is approximately meter away from his. The darkness doesn’t obscure the figure completely, and he can just make out the slide of Josten’s nose and his hair falling past his eyes, shadowing half of his face. Andrew follows the movement of the cigarette as Josten places it in his mouth, the lit end of the cigarette allowing Andrew to see more of his face. The scars running down his cheek are illuminated, looking like shadows across his face – and not scars. Andrew is glad that he can’t see Josten’s eyes.  
“The dirt in my post box wasn’t necessary,” Andrew is glad to hear some acid in his tone.   
“Wasn’t it?” Andrew muses.   
“Maybe I’ll send the vet bill to you.” Andrew might be impressed by how quickly Josten understood the situation.   
“Maybe next time your cat comes inside my apartment, it’ll end up getting dropped down the side of the balcony.”   
“If you have a complaint, go inform the board.” He replies instantly.   
Andrew replies before he can stop himself. “I wouldn’t get the opportunity of getting rid of the problem myself, then.”   
“The problem,” he says, “as in a 6-kilo cat?”   
Andrew grits his teeth. He shouldn’t carry on speaking.   
Josten holds the cigarette away from him and inhales the smoke, “I see you have your priorities in order.”   
Andrew stares passively at him. “I’ll get rid of you afterward.” He means it.   
“What, you’ll throw me over the side of your balcony too?”   
“I might,” he says, “If it’ll stop you slamming the door at the crack of dawn.” Why is he still talking?   
The flame from the half-finished cigarette flickers and Josten stares back at Andrew. He frowns, and drops his cigarette on the ground and grinds it under his heel. A waste of nicotine, Andrew thinks. Andrew once more looks at the skyline and turns to leave. For a fraction of a second, his eyes meet Jostens and his skin prickles and he wishes to stamp out the curiosity, which is on the way to becoming overwhelming. He slams the screen door hard enough for them to rattle.   
*  
He stared at himself from behind the plastic screen. He didn’t remember having a faded bruise on his jaw. Only it was not himself he was staring at. Aaron. That’s what he said his name was, in the letter. Aaron Minyard. That would make him Andrew Minyard. He remembered getting a letter sometime before, and he had burned it – partly because he didn’t want anybody to find it, and partly because he didn’t believe it was real. Now he sat there, face inches away from his brother. Aaron Minyard opened and closed his mouth several times in a row. Andrew wanted him to leave, and never come back. Andrew’s face was passively set in a scowl, yet Aaron’s was filled with disbelief. He sat hunched over, gripping the phone hard enough that his knuckles had turned white.   
Andrew said the first words. “Who hit you?”   
Andrew drifted back into consciousness, and his eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness of his room. He tilted his head drowsily to where his alarm clock rested and squinted his eyes to see the time. 5:45 am. He had barely slept, but that was not something new. A street light flickered, causing the several illuminated spots in his bedroom to do so as well. He heard a near-silent creek and he sharply twisted his head towards the door and sat up, his right arm reaching the knife he had tucked in the side of the mattress.   
His eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness for him to see the shadow crossing the space between the door and the floor. A quiet meow came from the shadow, reverberating through the room. His shoulders relaxed, and he placed the knife onto his bedside table with a clatter. The cat jumped onto his bed, landing softly and effortlessly.   
“Bastard.” He said, almost amused. The cat’s spherical eyes stared into his. It abandoned the staring contest in favor of curling up on the bed. Andrew, thoughtlessly, lifted his hand, and slowly submerged it into the cats’ fur. The cat sighed and for a moment the world was silent until a docile rumbling noise filled the soundlessness.   
“You shit anywhere in here and I’ll skin you alive.” He told the cat. The cat looked up at him as if saying “Yeah, right.” He wondered if cats got their personality from their owners. He lay back down, his hand still engulfed in the cat's soft fur, and thought maybe this time he would be able to get back to sleep.   
*  
As per usual, he was awake before his alarm clock had been set to start singing to him. But not for the usual reasons such as insomnia. The sound of rain attacking his window woke him up. Next to where his hand was, there was a ring of fur – identical to the ring of fur which had been left on his couch a week before.   
*  
Andrew vaguely registered Kevin sitting opposite him, in the chair where students seeking aid usually sat. Andrew’s office was plain, apart from the stacks of books shoved randomly on the shelves and the ungraded papers which littered the floor. Andrew waved his pen in Kevin’s direction, shooing him. Kevin, unsurprisingly, didn’t get the memo.   
“Why did I get an invitation to Aaron’s wedding?” Kevin said, sounding rather put out with the idea of attending it. Andrew guessed that Aaron had invited Kevin so he could come along with Andrew and stop him from anything which would permanently scar the in-laws. Andrew speculated that if Aaron thought that Andrew would willingly interact with Katelyn’s parents, his brother was stupid enough to he would think that Kevin ever actually had a say in what Andrew did.   
“I haven’t spoken to Aaron in years, why now?” Kevin asked.   
“That sounds like a you problem.” Andrew was not interested in explaining to Kevin why he was suddenly invited.   
Kevin turned around in his seat and wrinkled his nose at the state of the office. Kevin narrowed his eyes at Andrew, “I’m not expected to invite him to mine, right?”   
Kevin had barely brought up his incoming wedding to his long term girlfriend Thea since they had gotten engaged, and Andrew had been planning on not actually going – his excuse would have been “Oh. That was today?” And he cursed Kevin silently for suddenly bringing it up now, forcing it into his mental calendar. Kevin carried on speaking, not even registering Andrew’s silence. “I guess it’s too late for that.” When the engagement occurred, Kevin had, stupidly, asked Andrew to be the best man – Andrew had declined. It was thoughtless for Kevin to even ask, but maybe he had been expecting that answer since he’d instantly placed Jean in that position. He wondered if Aaron had someone as a best man – he suspected it was Nicky.   
He lifted his gaze from the paper he was currently grading to meet Kevin’s eyes. Kevin frowned at him, something that was a common occurrence. “Tell me you’re planning on staying longer than just the ceremony.”   
“I’m not lying to you, Kevin.” He looked back at the paper. He could barely read the paper due to the appalling grammar.   
“Andrew,” Kevin said as if saying his name would change anything. Andrew repeated the shooing motion again, and this time Kevin stood up, pushing the chair back hard enough for it to screech. Kevin left the door open behind him, and Andrew was ready to snap his pen in frustration when one student came in. Not many of the students he taught came into his office to seek his help, and he got the occasional email. Robin had been coming to his office from the beginning of the year. She was a timid freshman, with short stature and a choppy haircut. In spite of her being ambivalent she found the courage to see him. He didn’t dislike her, she never made any advances in engaging in a conversation with him, and she didn’t seem to be afraid of his curtness.   
Robin sat down where Kevin had been sitting a moment before. He placed the paper in his hands down and indulged her with his full attention. She shifted in her seat, slightly uncomfortable, and handed him a typed essay.   
“It’s a draft.” She said, as a way of explaining. He took out his red pen and started reading. 

*

A loud ringing echoed around the whole building, interrupting Andrew’s late-night dinner. He cursed whoever was responsible for the fire alarm being set off and contemplated just ignoring it and carrying on with what he was doing. The thrum of the alarm caused Andrew’s head to pound and he stood up, grabbing his coat on his way out.   
The residence of the building all stood outside in the parking lot, most of them looking rumpled and irked – probably because of the coincidence of the alarm going off at a time when most were asleep. As Andrew stood away from several families clustered around each other protectively, and he felt someone stand somewhere behind him. Somebody who probably had the same distaste in the crowds of people complaining and chose to stand further away. Andrew’s eyes slid to whoever it was. Josten wasn’t looking in Andrew’s direction, and instead was staring at the same cluster of families Andrew had inched away from. He was wearing a white dress shirt which had the first three buttons undone and a pair of tracksuit bottoms and trainers. Andrew hated that the combination of the remnants of formal wear and a workout outfit made him stare slightly longer at the auburn-haired man. As if he felt he was being watched, Josten turned to look at Andrew, the corners of his mouth downturned. His eyes looked like puddle water today. Andrew didn’t look away.   
“The smoke detector finally realized somebody was smoking inside?” Josten said in an accusatory tone. Andrew didn’t answer but kept staring, apathetically. Josten didn’t break the stare either. At that moment, out of pure luck, droplets of rain started coming down from above. In addition to the alarm which was still blaring from inside the building, the rain came down harder every moment.   
Josten brought his arm up from where they were crossed against his stomach to shield his eyes. Andrew stared. Josten’s white shirt quickly soaked through and stuck to his skin, where the scars on his skin became visible. Several scars snaked down his side to where his tracksuit bottoms began, and across his stomach there were several. After a moment Andrew looked back up, blinking the rain from his eyelashes, to see Josten was already looking at him.   
“Enjoying the view?” He said, a tinge of bitterness in his tone.   
“Nothing to enjoy,” Andrew said, simply.   
Josten’s eyebrows lifted for a fraction of a moment, somewhat startled, and he went back to staring at what was happening ahead. Andrew’s arms itched underneath his armbands.   
Eventually, the alarm had been silenced, and they were allowed to go back inside. The words “There is no immediate fire threat” caused several voices to be raised. Josten quickly disappeared into the crowd, and Andrew waited for them all to file back inside the building.   
As he was passing a parked car to get to his building, he saw a familiar orange shape. The same orange shape which had slept beside him, the same one which chewed up his peace lily. He kneeled down next to the car and saw the cat. It looked like it had gone through several rounds of The Shower, its fur plastered to its skin and its tail looking more like a soggy shoelace. “Bastard.” He said. The cat shook its foot, several droplets of rain flying away. The cat looked almost pitiful, shaking, and half-hidden from view behind the car tire.   
Andrew took his jacket off, the rain immediately soaked his arms and through his armbands. He pointed at the cat with one finger. “Only once,” and he grabbed the animal and bundled it up in his jacket. He stood up, with his packaged cat in one hand, and walked up to the door.   
As he walked up the several flights of stairs, he felt the cats’ shivering subside. He got to the door and he kicked it several times, in lieu of knocking. The door swung open to reveal Josten, who had changed into a faded hoodie which may have once been black. He looked at Andrew in surprise and then at the bundle in his arms. He barely got the words “What-“out before Andrew shoved the cat and his jacket into his neighbor’s arms. The bundle meowed and Josten looked less confused. He looked at Andrew and said, “Is this what you’re doing instead of paying the vet bills?” Andrew refused the roll his eyes at the remark, and instead said, “My smoke detector doesn’t work.” Josten said, “Oh,” and Andrew opened the door to his own apartment and slammed the door before he could say anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Now that Andrew couldn't observe his neighbor's skittish behavior, he walked back into his own apartment = now that Andrew couldn't stare at Neil's ass.
> 
> Leave comments and kudos and just p o s i t i v e vibes ;)) or not lmao constructive criticism the like out of me


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